Mere Raises A Baby

Sorry in advance, future generations!

The Pre-Baby Series: I’m A Pod.

on August 1, 2013

The Pre-Baby Series
During my pregnancy, I wrote a few blog entries that I intended to post over on that other blog but never really got around to it. Oh well, no one’s loss is your gain! This entry is part of the pre-baby series, written at some point between March and July of 2012 while I was pregnant with Baby A. It was likely written while I was at work, but I can’t guarantee that (for “I might need a reference from them someday” reasons). Anyway – enjoy!


You know those old TV shows or movies or whatever where through some weird quirk of science or magic two people ended up sharing a body? And remember how it almost never worked out for both people, because two individuals with separate brains and free will were most definitely not meant to share one body? That’s kind of been my life for the past five and a half months.

There have been many adorable moments. Miracle of pregnancy and all that. There have, however, been some moments that remind me that while I’m gearing up for a lifetime of raising a son that I will be super proud of, I’m apparently also signing up for raising someone who is a lot like me (We’re pretty sure he’s mine, after all!) and therefore can kind of be a pill sometimes.

I give you some of our ongoing battles:

Baby-Imposed Bed Rest (Months 1-3)
APPARENTLY, this kid likes to lie in bed watching Parks & Recreation on Netflix and eating Saltines. Because that’s pretty much all I could do for several weeks. “What’s that you say, Mom? You’d like to get up and eat normal food go to work and have a normal life? TOO BAD!”
Winner: Callispawn. No way am I risking puking all over myself and my car while trying to get to work, or engaging in a lovely 5 minute dry-heave fest in front of my co-workers. Saltines and Netflix it is.

Early Bird vs. The Worm
Kid’s an early riser. As he has gotten bigger and stronger, he has started to wake me up around the same (ungodly) hour every morning. You really haven’t lived until someone has kicked your bladder from less than an inch away. Without fail, every morning, he’s mosh-pitting away there in my belly, ready for me to wake up and feed him something for breakfast. Unfortch for him, I likely worked until midnight and just barely crawled in to bed a few short hours ago.
Winner: Mere. Jump all you want, baby, this beast ain’t moving. You’ll get your Special K the same time you always do: later.

No Quiero Taco Bell
I didn’t like Mexican food when I was a kid, and it seems that the Callispawn is no different. My parents and their friends frequented the amazing, amazing Herbert’s Taco Hut in San Marcos, however, I spent my earliest years eating tortilla chips with those little tubs of Country Crock and thinking that hamburgers were Mexican food. What was wrong with me?! Anyway, now I’m a huge fan of awesome Tex-Mex. You really can’t go wrong with a plate full of sauce, meat, cheese, and zero nutritional value. Callispawn’s not such a fan! He likes to reward my semi-weekly bean & cheese burrito indulgence with some scorching (and I mean scorching) heartburn.
Winner: Mere (With an assist from my new BFF Tums!) I ate Saltines for weeks when it was your turn, kiddo. Deal with my burritos for another 4 months. Love you!

Coco-No Way
I kind of started to love coconut water about a year ago when I got really in to Bikram yoga. I was practicing several times a week and noticed a huge difference when I drank anything besides water (like soda or juice) before or after class. So I tried coconut water just to get some variety and it was amazing! Also, I freaking LOVE coconut. Callispawn? Not so much. For a while, it was just mild discomfort after I’d drink it, which happens sometimes and wasn’t a big deal. Until the day that I took one to work, drank half, and got the worst heartburn of my life. Makes the burrito heartburn look like…I don’t even know what. It was “go home and puke” bad.
Winner: Callispawn, hands down. No amount of Tums is fixing that. Got it, we’re off the coconut water. Ugh it kind of turns my stomach to even think about it right now.

Zzz
I’m a belly sleeper. Big time. For me, there is nothing as comforting or rewarding as plopping facedown in to my bed at the end of a ridiculous day and staying that way for at least 8 hours. Apparently, it’s super uncomfortable to sleep on your belly when it’s the size of a basketball. (Try it! For funsies, put a half-deflated basketball in your bed and try to sleep on it. IDK if that’s really what it feels like but I just wanted to see if you would do it.) Also there’s the whole thing about not really wanting to squash this little person that D and I have created.
Winner: Callispawn. That’s an easy one.

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