Mere Raises A Baby

Sorry in advance, future generations!

Day of the Derp

on July 23, 2014

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, THIS WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.

Have you ever just had a kick ass day? A day where you’re on top of everything, nothing slips through the cracks, you hit all the green lights, and at the end of the day you kick back with a glass of wine and a good book before drifting off into the best night of sleep ever? Yeah, for me today was not that day. Today was big fat the opposite of that day.

8:00 AM: Wake up an hour and a half late. Why? Because my alarm clock (a.k.a. “Baby A”) decided to sleep late. It’s not like he had anything to do besides sleep and look adorable but it would have been REALLY GREAT if I could have gotten some stuff done. Also anyone with a toddler knows that when they sleep an hour and a half longer than usual their whole schedule is off for days. So I have that to look forward to.

8:05 AM: Go to get a glass out of the cabinet, realize that I put the childproof lock on upside down last time I opened it. Can’t get my fingers around the latch because the handle is in the way. Can’t have a glass. Drink my Plexus from a plastic Rudy’s cup like a caveman.

10:00 AM: Accidentally knock the kid over while playing horsey. Feel like I’m about ten inches tall. Apply magical mommy kisses to forehead, snuggle the offspring, and allow an extra half hour of Daniel Tiger on the TV.

11:15 AM: Venture to Ikea. Realize that I don’t have my debit card. Luckily, I have cash! Mentally high five myself. Mentally facepalm myself 30 minutes later when I realize I bought two of the wrong size picture frames.

12:30 PM: Determined to find The Smell in my laundry room, I start a load of laundry, empty the trash can, check the diaper bin, and finally discover It in the bottom of the recycling. Not sure what It actually was but It lives outside now.

12:30 – 1:30ish: Way too much TV happens in my house.

1:30 PM: Kid finally goes down for a nap. This is what happens when you let him sleep past 7:30!

1:35 PM: Realize that I put a freaking cloth diaper (a clean one) in with my regular laundry. Wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t load up the rinse cycle with fabric softener (because really, y’all, my fabric softener smells AMAZE). Begin desperate attempt to un-fabric-soften said cloth diaper. Wash. Wash. RINSE RINSE RINSE RINSERINSERINSERINSE repeat.

3:00 PM: Kid is still sleeping, I should go wake him up so he’ll go to bed tonight. Oh wait, here’s Facebook.

4:00 PM: Kid wakes up. I look at the clock. FML. Thanks, Facebook.

5:15 PM: Put peanut butter on bread and pop it in the oven bc it’s the natural stuff that has to be refrigerated so it’s hard to spread.

5:20 PM: Making dinner for myself and the kid at the same time. It’s not going well. At one point I’m slicing a watermelon while holding the oven door closed with my knee while the kid is trying to hand me toys. Sauce all over the stove. Jake and the Neverland Pirates valiantly attempt to hold his attention in the living room but alas, the room with fire and sharp objects is far more enticing.

5:25 PM: I remember the peanut butter in the oven.

5:26 PM: I become the first mom in history to burn a peanut butter sandwich.

5:45 PM: Kid finally eats dinner. He miraculously eats green beans and potatoes on his own with no trickery. This small miracle is worth all the shenanigans that went on today.

6:15 PM: Bath time! Wander upstairs with the kid and let him play with his cars while I run his bath.

6:23 PM: Vroom! Vroom! Cars! OH SHIT THE WATER IS STILL RUNNING.

6:25 PM: Kid is finally in the tub. It’s really more like a water tank at this point. It’s ok though, he doesn’t drown and there’s only like a gallon of water splashed onto the floor.

6:45 PM: Read stories. And more stories. And even more stories while kid drinks his milk. I don’t mind though because this is the sweetest part of my day.

7:15 PM: Put kid to bed, come downstairs, restart the damn washing machine because RINSE RINSE RINSE, look at all the crap I need to clean up around the house, grab my dinner and a sparkling water, get into bed, write a blog instead.

8:15 PM: Kid still making noise occasionally. Jurassic Park III on TV. Getting absolutely nothing done tonight. Ok with it. 🙂

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One response to “Day of the Derp

  1. Anna Maria says:

    Sounds like when my oldest kids were little! 🙂 Thank the gods they are older and CAN HELP when LO arrives! Hope tomorrow’s a better day Mama! ❤

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